Why I Rise - Part 6

In this life we never know the cards that will be dealt.
After my parents died, I lost myself. Like a fish out of water, flopping back and forth struggling for air.
I lived back and forth, between, and above and below.
While I was still in middle school I was living with another sister of mine, it was a difficult situation. On both parts she was a young woman raising her teenage sister and how would she ever know how to do that?
She had kids of her own, but how do you deal with a 13 year old that had lost both her parents that hated and distrusted everything in life?
Unfortunately I watched myself deteriorate and even more how my sister was very submissive to her husband. My decisions that I made at the time never were smart, but regardless I made them. I was causing havoc at all costs because I felt it was the best ways to have people interact with me in my life.

It slowly yet progressively went down hill.
I never liked my sisters husband and I grew to know why. That day, I remember the weather, and the rose plants, and life.
As I was leaving to go to a friends house, I was talking with my sister as maybe I wasn’t supposed to go, my friend was walking up to me, Behind me I heard footsteps, I remember the anger in his voice and he grabbed me by my arm and lifted me up with all his might and threw me into the house.
I ran so fast crying down the road. Bruises resided and I went on my way living.
The tension only grew stronger between me and him. I was constantly told I was a failure and always reminded of what I did that made me such a horrible person.
The tension only grew stronger as I had to watch him abuse his kids, what do you do when you are 14 years old and you see your niece with a welted hand print on her chest? Or hear him yelling upstairs and the kids screaming? You cant fight back and it’s a hush hush between everyone else.
It proceeded, but the tension got so bad and I was moved.
This unfortunate situation had built me on unstable grounds. Lack of human emotion and thinking life just goes on this way. My confidence going into high school was all but there. I seeked out attention in the wrong ways.
It led to being objectified, taken advantage of, laughed at, dehumanized and petrified.
Any relationship I had seemed to be in the same: 2 years or 3 years of anger, bitter words, locking myself in the bathroom so I could get away, crying, not talking, being called a bitch, a whore,( you can fill in you adjectives),having fists and objects thrown around my head, and then waking up and pretending that I was fine.


What happened to me? I think of how powerful my mother was and how strong she was.
Who am I ? Why am I sitting here letting myself go through this?
I am not quiet anymore, and I will not be silenced anymore!
I am over the submissive me,
I am sick of watching myself being torn down
I will not let the oppressor decided my fate!



I has taken me years of finding who I am and having wonderful mentors helping me build my voice, listening to women’s stories that they so want to share with another woman. It is finding the comfort in voicing your opinion and knowing you and all women and girls have that right.
It isn’t normal to have to feel objectified, outcasted, worthless, beaten, silenced, or afraid.
I am rising for the human right that all women and girls have the right to protect their mind, body, and soul.

~A Woman Rising
Salt Lake City, Utah

*Please submit your own "Why I Rise" story to OBRSLC@gmail.com (Please include an alias if you would not like to be identified, as well as a photo of either yourself - or something you relate to)